Worry About Tomorrow

"'Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?'" -Matthew 6:27

If that were true, I could probably live to be 1000 years old. I find myself worrying about this or that - thinking about things days and months down the road. But it isn't days and months down the road. It's just today. I know we like to try to anticipate and be prepared, which isn't a bad thing. But if we expend all our energy thinking about things that haven't even happened yet, we won't have any left for what's right in front of us. Today has enough worries of its own.

And even today, worry won't get you very far. You can't control everything. Let me say that again: You. Cannot. Control. Everything. Wouldn't it be nice if you could? But it's okay, because you can control the important things. You can control how you respond to daily obstacles. You can control what you decide to do about them.

Worry will try to hold you fast. Keep you spinning in one spot like a car tire stuck in mud. I feel like that sometimes, almost paralyzed and not quite sure where to even begin. When that happens, I think about what my dad told me, "take it one task at a time." There's an old adage "take it one day at a time," but that can even be a bit much sometimes. One task at a time. One hour at a time. That's all you have to "worry" about.

"'Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?'" -Matthew 6:26

When You Don't Move the Mountains

"When you don't move the mountains, I'm needing you to move. When you don't part the waters, I wish I could walk through... I will trust in you."

I don't know about you, but I get caught in the trap sometimes of thinking God is like a genie. Ask, and your wish is granted. And you can ask God for things. He wants you to ask. He is good and sometimes says yes. But He is good and sometimes says no too because that is what is good for us. As my two years of basic sciences in medical school come to an end next week, I've realized I've been so set in this "my way or the highway" mindset. Next Friday, I'll take a test that determines if I can leave this island for good or if I'll need to come back for a semester 5 review course. This whole semester, I've basically been telling God that I must pass, and that I won't be coming back. I refused. And I thought to myself how mad I'd be if I did have to come back. But that isn't very faith-filled.

It's ok to grieve the loss of plans you hoped would come to fruition, but it's not helpful or good for your heart to doubt God has a plan. To not trust He works all things together for good, even if it isn't how you expected. This last week, I've started to realize that He's seen me this far. He would see me through an extra few weeks too. I still hope I won't have to come back (like, achingly hope), and I still pray He would enable me to not have to. However, if He does bring me back, then I will come with trust. If I'm being honest, a shaking trust, but it's a start. I hope that whatever you're dealing with right now, you'll find peace knowing He is good and has good for you. Even if it comes in a way you never imagined.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qv-SXz_exKE

Sweet Like Honey

I need to confess: my tongue has been such a whip this semester. I'll blame it on being the hardest semester. That I'm stressed, I'm over being on this island, this school has some serious faults, etc. etc. And that all is true, but I've been feeling lately like no excuse is valid for having a harsh tongue (and while I say tongue, I'm also including my inner voice). I'll think how annoying a person in my class is, even though they're just trying to really grasp and understand a concept. I'll mimic the voices of people who are more apt to seek attention, making them out to sound stupid or just "too much" with my friends.

I believe words have power. But until recently, I didn't really think they had power if the person they were directed towards never heard them. What could it hurt? It wasn't like I ever said mean stuff to the person's face. But words have power. Power to change your whole outlook, be it positive or negative. Power to make you see other people in a certain light, regardless of if you actually know them or not.

Words you say might be about other people, but they're really about you. They're about your decisions. Will you try to speak forth love? Will you add to the spirit of meanness that is permeating the world? I know I'm going to struggle with it, but I also know I need to try to get rid of this negativity. It can be easier, but it's a lot heavier too.

When I thought of writing this post, the idea of not letting your tongue lash others was in my mind. Instead, let it be sweet and soothing like honey.

"Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones."
-Proverbs 16:24

On You

"This is on you." Not a very cheery pep talk, is it? But it's what I need to tell myself right now. I made it to semester 4 in medical school. It's been hard, and I have had to push myself to get here. But now, this will be the hardest semester yet, and I  haven't been feeling ready for it. It's the first week, and I'm already tired of studying. I know, sad. I tell myself I can make up for it later. But now that excuse doesn't hold up. There won't be any more semesters, and I won't have any more time to prepare for Step. This is it. And it's all on me.

I know I'm guilty of this, and maybe you can relate, but it's so much easier to put the pressure on to someone else. Isn't it? That way, if I don't succeed, it wasn't my fault. But that's baloney, and we all know it. Getting to your dreams? Reaching your goals? That is on you. It's not always a fun truth, but it is the truth. It is on you to put in the time and the work, and what you get in the end will be a very good reflection of how much you cared. So, do I care? Am I willing to put forth the effort?

Hell. Yes.