So this whole pursuing thing... It's straight up exhausting! I don't care if we are in the 20th century, and it's acceptable for women to initiate things. It's a lot of effort, and I'm pooped. I'm going to leave it to the boys to pursue, or not to pursue. Whatever happens, happens.
I think I've been so desirous of having something magical happen and so afraid of not living up to our society's happiness norm, that I felt the need to try to create something magical in my life. I felt like I needed to do the pursuing in order to have a beautiful, romantic relationship. And yes, sometimes that's how it goes and sometimes guys need a little nudge. But I'll be honest, neither of those fit my life... at all.
I was/am just boy and love crazy. I see my parents married for over 30 years holding hands, and I see how my grandpa will still look sweetly at my grandma after 50+ years of marriage, and I want that! I want to have a man with whom I can be a "cute couple." I want to be in love so badly, but I can't force it into existence, and I have to stop trying.
I realized the other day that while I have been single for several years now, I haven't ever let myself actually be single. I've always been pursuing and looking for a relationship. I've been trying my darnedest to not be single, but I haven't simply taken a breath and been single. So, I'm going to plop myself down in this pasture in which God has placed me, and I'm going to rest. In John 15:9, Jesus says, "As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Abide in my love." I'm going to enjoy the beauty of abiding in His love and the beauty this season has to offer. I need to stop peering through the fence and thinking the grass is greener on the other side. Maybe it is, but I'm not on the other side. Besides, my grass is lovely, and it's mine. This season of singleness is lovely, and it's mine. So, it's time I stop running from it and time I start owning it. I am single, and that's ok :). I don't want to be single for the rest of my life, but ultimately, I just need to abide in Christ and take it one day at a time.