tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-79842173268637513762024-03-12T16:22:05.257-07:00A Word From BabeLily Grothehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01657176351249235965noreply@blogger.comBlogger43125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7984217326863751376.post-18778258605810996322020-11-08T12:00:00.001-08:002020-11-08T12:00:26.328-08:00Grief<p><span style="font-family: inherit;">I don't know how it's been almost 2 weeks since Gramps passed. It seems equally like it was yesterday and also an age ago. Since coming back to California a week ago, I've busied myself with routine and distractions. Not allowing myself much more than a thought. But this weekend, in the moments of calm and quiet, I find myself being crushed with waves of grief. Tears burst out as I wrap myself in his sweatshirt or see his smiling face looking at me from 4x6 pieces of paper on my wall. I have one of him holding me as a baby. That one especially hurts. I got to have him as the most incredible grandpa for 26 years. I just wish I had him for a while longer.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: inherit;">The other day, I went in to get the lenses of his glasses converted to my own. The sales lady asked if I wanted the nose pads replaced. An innocent question, but one that made a sob catch in my throat. No, I did not. Because those nose pads touched his face, and I wanted them to touch mine.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: inherit;">I think that's the worst thing about grief. How it shows up anywhere at anytime. You can be going about your day minding your business and then feel like you want to crumple to the ground. Going through this, the biggest thing I've learned is to not fight it. When you burst into tears, let them come. Cry yourself sick until your eyes have nothing left to give and your nose is raw from blowing it. When you feel happy, let yourself. Enjoy it and appreciate it. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: inherit;">Grief is the most personal thing you'll experience. It's yours, and it's different for everyone. Do what you need to do. Don't feel like you have to act a certain way or even feel a certain way. But be open to sharing it with others, even to take off just a little of the load. While I've always supported the idea of therapy for others, I've never done it myself. Maybe in arrogance, thinking I didn't need it. But yesterday I signed up. Because for me personally, I think that's what I need right now.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: inherit;">So be kind to yourself in your grief. Allow yourself grace and patience. Allow yourself space to heal in whatever way you need to. </span></p>Lily Grothehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01657176351249235965noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7984217326863751376.post-10050591373148494942020-10-23T10:35:00.000-07:002020-10-23T10:35:27.174-07:00Waters Roaring<p>"Be still. Be still, oh my heart. Be quiet, oh my soul. 'Though the earth gives way, though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam, though the mountains tremble at its swelling' (Psalm 46:2-3), be still. Though life seems like a jumbled mess of responsibilities and things to do- choices to be made, be still. Be still, oh my mind, where hundreds of thoughts race, distracting."</p><p>I was cleaning out my room and going through old journals when I found that. That was from 2015. It seems an eternity ago, but it also seems like I could have written it yesterday. Can we all agree this year has been a real jumbled mess? I feel in my own life like that verse is playing out- seas raging and mountains crashing. Lately, there has been a lot going on in my life personally and with family, and some days I feel it will overwhelm me. But then I remember to breathe. I breathe and things slow. I force my mind to still, and I remember the love that overflows in my life. I remember to be grateful that I have had the most beautiful moments with my family in this last month; moments I wouldn't have had if life hadn't been stormy.</p><p>Life is still a mess and is crazy. And I still wish at times that it wouldn't have to be painful because that would be easier. But as someone told me, if it's easy, it might not be worth having. In times of waters roaring, we can be still, knowing better days will come eventually. And the stormy days will make the sunny ones all the brighter.</p>Lily Grothehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01657176351249235965noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7984217326863751376.post-73180770982631713392020-02-05T21:14:00.000-08:002020-02-05T21:14:07.778-08:00One Thing RemainsI was thinking tonight about starting clinicals in a couple weeks, and I got this knot in my stomach. I'm excited. This is what I've been going to school for after all, to get to start doctoring. But to be honest, my mind is blown over the fact that I'm actually going to be doing stuff. Will I even remember the last 2.5 years of information?! I'm nervous. Very nervous in fact. And the more I think about it, the more the knot grows. I was so happy to come home this past October. It felt like the finish line. In my mind, I could settle back in here. Yet I'm off again, and I hate it. I don't care what anyone says to the contrary, goodbyes never get any easier. I'm dreading them, as usual. Yes, I know somewhere in the background of my heart that this will be a wonderful experience and adventure, but tonight I wasn't feeling it at all.<br />
<br />
During some quiet time, the song "One Thing Remains" by Kristian Stanfill came to mind and I knew I had to play it. This song has been like my anthem for several years now. It always seems to pop up when I need it to, from healing my brokenness the summer before my senior year in high school, to being played by the school worship team on my first and last day of college. Different parts of it have stood out with different messages, and tonight the words "constant through the trial and the <u>change</u>" hit me in the face. Flashing back through the years, so much has happened. So much has changed. But God has always remained, and He will still. He's brought me this far, and I believe He won't leave me now. His love is steadfast, and it never runs out on me.<br />
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<a href="https://youtu.be/GoYgi0sdOqc">https://youtu.be/GoYgi0sdOqc</a>Lily Grothehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01657176351249235965noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7984217326863751376.post-29200450680563390552019-09-30T07:22:00.001-07:002019-09-30T07:22:59.213-07:00Worry About Tomorrow"'Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?'" -Matthew 6:27<br />
<br />
If that were true, I could probably live to be 1000 years old. I find myself worrying about this or that - thinking about things days and months down the road. But it isn't days and months down the road. It's just today. I know we like to try to anticipate and be prepared, which isn't a bad thing. But if we expend all our energy thinking about things that haven't even happened yet, we won't have any left for what's right in front of us. Today has enough worries of its own.<br />
<br />
And even today, worry won't get you very far. You can't control everything. Let me say that again: You. Cannot. Control. Everything. Wouldn't it be nice if you could? But it's okay, because you can control the important things. You can control how you respond to daily obstacles. You can control what you decide to do about them.<br />
<br />
Worry will try to hold you fast. Keep you spinning in one spot like a car tire stuck in mud. I feel like that sometimes, almost paralyzed and not quite sure where to even begin. When that happens, I think about what my dad told me, "take it one task at a time." There's an old adage "take it one day at a time," but that can even be a bit much sometimes. One task at a time. One hour at a time. That's all you have to "worry" about.<br />
<br />
"'Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?'" -Matthew 6:26Lily Grothehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01657176351249235965noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7984217326863751376.post-36102888589958178292019-06-01T07:14:00.002-07:002019-06-01T07:14:28.524-07:00When You Don't Move the Mountains"When you don't move the mountains, I'm needing you to move. When you don't part the waters, I wish I could walk through... I will trust in you."<br />
<br />
I don't know about you, but I get caught in the trap sometimes of thinking God is like a genie. Ask, and your wish is granted. And you can ask God for things. He wants you to ask. He is good and sometimes says yes. But He is good and sometimes says no too because that is what is good <i><u>for</u></i> us. As my two years of basic sciences in medical school come to an end next week, I've realized I've been so set in this "my way or the highway" mindset. Next Friday, I'll take a test that determines if I can leave this island for good or if I'll need to come back for a semester 5 review course. This whole semester, I've basically been telling God that I must pass, and that I won't be coming back. I refused. And I thought to myself how mad I'd be if I did have to come back. But that isn't very faith-filled.<br />
<br />
It's ok to grieve the loss of plans you hoped would come to fruition, but it's not helpful or good for your heart to doubt God has a plan. To not trust He works all things together for good, even if it isn't how you expected. This last week, I've started to realize that He's seen me this far. He would see me through an extra few weeks too. I still hope I won't have to come back (like, achingly hope), and I still pray He would enable me to not have to. However, if He does bring me back, then I will come with trust. If I'm being honest, a shaking trust, but it's a start. I hope that whatever you're dealing with right now, you'll find peace knowing He is good and has good for you. Even if it comes in a way you never imagined.<br />
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<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qv-SXz_exKE">https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qv-SXz_exKE</a><br />
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<br />Lily Grothehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01657176351249235965noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7984217326863751376.post-56914703515810618512019-03-01T16:38:00.002-08:002019-03-01T16:38:34.181-08:00Sweet Like HoneyI need to confess: my tongue has been such a whip this semester. I'll blame it on being the hardest semester. That I'm stressed, I'm over being on this island, this school has some serious faults, etc. etc. And that all is true, but I've been feeling lately like no excuse is valid for having a harsh tongue (and while I say tongue, I'm also including my inner voice). I'll think how annoying a person in my class is, even though they're just trying to really grasp and understand a concept. I'll mimic the voices of people who are more apt to seek attention, making them out to sound stupid or just "too much" with my friends.<br />
<br />
I believe words have power. But until recently, I didn't really think they had power if the person they were directed towards never heard them. What could it hurt? It wasn't like I ever said mean stuff to the person's face. But words have power. Power to change your whole outlook, be it positive or negative. Power to make you see other people in a certain light, regardless of if you actually know them or not.<br />
<br />
Words you say might be about other people, but they're really about you. They're about your decisions. Will you try to speak forth love? Will you add to the spirit of meanness that is permeating the world? I know I'm going to struggle with it, but I also know I need to try to get rid of this negativity. It can be easier, but it's a lot heavier too.<br />
<br />
When I thought of writing this post, the idea of not letting your tongue lash others was in my mind. Instead, let it be sweet and soothing like honey.<br />
<br />
"Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones."<br />
-Proverbs 16:24Lily Grothehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01657176351249235965noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7984217326863751376.post-12441550525903476052019-02-02T16:24:00.001-08:002019-02-02T16:24:41.875-08:00On You"This is on you." Not a very cheery pep talk, is it? But it's what I need to tell myself right now. I made it to semester 4 in medical school. It's been hard, and I have had to push myself to get here. But now, this will be the hardest semester yet, and I haven't been feeling ready for it. It's the first week, and I'm already tired of studying. I know, sad. I tell myself I can make up for it later. But now that excuse doesn't hold up. There won't be any more semesters, and I won't have any more time to prepare for Step. This is it. And it's all on me.<br />
<br />
I know I'm guilty of this, and maybe you can relate, but it's so much easier to put the pressure on to someone else. Isn't it? That way, if I don't succeed, it wasn't my fault. But that's baloney, and we all know it. Getting to your dreams? Reaching your goals? That is on you. It's not always a fun truth, but it is the truth. It is on you to put in the time and the work, and what you get in the end will be a very good reflection of how much you cared. So, do I care? Am I willing to put forth the effort?<br /><br />Hell. Yes.Lily Grothehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01657176351249235965noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7984217326863751376.post-3054087989420141532018-04-29T08:47:00.000-07:002018-04-29T08:47:06.426-07:00Fight SongI can't believe how quickly this first year of medical school has been going. It seemed so daunting when I first began. And it hasn't been easy, that's for sure. But, here I am. I'm almost a fourth of the way done. It scares me a little how quickly it's going, and to think that in just a few short years I'll be a doctor. I think of all the knowledge I've crammed into my head, and then I think of all the knowledge still to go. How am I going to do it? How do I keep pouring myself out for studying and learning? Maybe you can relate, with the dreams you're pursuing in your life. You're pouring yourself out for them, and you wonder how you'll keep going.<br />
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You have to keep fighting. They say money can't buy happiness, but I'd say work can. Hard work, fighting for your dreams and future and life that you envision. It absolutely, positively sucks. There's no getting around it. But when you start to drag, when you start to think maybe I can go find an easier dream, consider if you'll be happy. Then consider if you still believe in yourself. If the answer is yes, then you can accomplish anything you want.<br />
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I have days where I want to stop. I'm tired of studying. I'm tired of being far from home. I feel tired of my dream to become a doctor. Then I hear this nagging voice in my head, and I realize that there's still some fight in me. I still believe I can do this, and I still believe that I'm supposed to do this. And belief is a powerful thing.<br />
<br />
Two time Olympic champion, Gail Devers once said, "Keep your dreams alive. Understand to achieve anything requires <u>faith and belief in yourself</u>, vision, hard work, determination, and dedication. Remember all things are possible for those who believe."<br />
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So keep playing your fight song.<br />
<a href="https://youtu.be/xo1VInw-SKc">https://youtu.be/xo1VInw-SKc</a>Lily Grothehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01657176351249235965noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7984217326863751376.post-90792465222911365202018-02-07T12:47:00.001-08:002018-02-07T12:47:52.255-08:00Good Old DaysI've been obsessed lately with the song, "Good Old Days." I think it's because I love the premise of not letting life slip you by. One day soon, you won't be where you are right now. You might be in an amazing spot, but it still will be different. "Someday, these will be the good old days." Someday, you'll look back at all of this. Will you smile? Will you laugh at your adventures? Will you wish for more?<br />
<br />
Another line of the songs goes, "All the love you won't forget," and I want that to be true in my life. I want to be able to look back someday and see as much time as possible with my loved ones. Because I won't remember what was on this test, and I won't remember the class gossip that seemed so important at the time. I'll remember laughing with my friends as we eat outside, and I'll remember having a game night with my family. I won't forget the love, because that's the only thing in life that matters, period.<br />
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"You don't know what you've got, 'til it goes. 'Til it's gone." Don't wait for the point when you look back at life to appreciate everything you have, Start realizing what you have, right now. Appreciate the love in your life. Smile as wide as you can. Laugh unrestrainedly. Live in these good old days.<br />
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https://youtu.be/1yYV9-KoSUMLily Grothehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01657176351249235965noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7984217326863751376.post-54027164226162650052017-09-27T07:45:00.000-07:002017-09-27T07:45:03.904-07:00Bad Ass New YearIt's hard to believe another year has come and gone in my life. Time moves so quickly sometimes, doesn't it? I look back at all this year has held, and my breath is taken away. I got to start dating a man I am head-over-heels in love with. I went to Europe and had adventures with one of my sisters. I started medical school. So much has happened!<br />
<br />
I'm always a bit uncertain at my birthday because I wonder what this new year of life will hold. I want to see beyond the bend. But as I realize all the good and the joy that was this last year, I feel content. I am excited for this year. Whether good or bad or in-between, it's life. It's exciting to know it's a new year with new possibilities and adventures.<br />
<br />
I read in John 16 this morning, and the version I read really struck me, "be confident, certain, undaunted." I just love those words. I feel power in them. Whatever the future holds, know you can face anything. My dad told me today that I'm a bad ass, so I'm gonna face this new year like one: confident, certain, and undaunted.Lily Grothehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01657176351249235965noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7984217326863751376.post-86546466104799220952017-08-20T12:00:00.002-07:002017-08-20T12:00:51.242-07:00Run Your PathTomorrow, I start my second week of medical school here in the Caribbean. It's already been a lot of work, and there have been some moments where I don't think I'll be able to hold out on this little island for 2 years. I worry I won't be able to stick with the amount of work. In those moments, I think of how nice it would be to go back home with my loved ones. How nice it would be to have free time. But then, I also think of what else I would want to do with my life. And nothing honestly comes up. Certainly nothing I'd want to do forever.<br />
<br />
So then I remember why I am off in the middle of the ocean; I remember my dream and passion - to become a doctor. This isn't how I had ever imagined it happening, but I'm awfully thankful it is. I'm sure many of you are going through moments or paths that you never pictured either. But never let yourself lose sight of the bigger picture. There will be people who say no, including yourself. There will be times when you have to take a detour. But at the end of the day, never let your soul forget its purpose.<br />
<br />
Whatever it is, it is your path. "Walk it. Run it. And keep on running." -<i>Think Happy</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VEV1rlzh-UI">https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VEV1rlzh-UI</a></i>Lily Grothehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01657176351249235965noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7984217326863751376.post-89270052824477519902017-03-12T11:22:00.001-07:002017-03-12T11:22:42.870-07:0050/50Wouldn't it be nice if relationships were 50/50? I had always thought so, but I've come to realize that is a rarity. And I do believe I'm glad of it, because as I've given it more thought, it'd be impractical. There will be times in every relationship where one person or the other will be going through a trying time. They will be stressed or overwhelmed, and they simply won't have much to give. And here in lies the beauty of love and being in relation with someone else: when you're weak, they can be strong. When you only have 10 to give, it doesn't matter because the other's love will make up the difference.<br />
<br />
I admit that I've struggled with this, still holding to the idea that it should always be 50/50. And don't get me wrong, I still whole-heartedly believe in the relationship being equal, but my definition of equal has changed. Now, instead of each giving 100% all the time, I see equal as each partner being willing to take their turn at being strong for the other. I see it as saying, "I'm in. During the good and bad, I'll be with you and for you." It isn't always easy, but that's love. When you choose to love someone, you're choosing to love an imperfect human in an imperfect world. Love isn't always easy, but it is always worth it.Lily Grothehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01657176351249235965noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7984217326863751376.post-13481151308463089702016-12-07T20:46:00.000-08:002016-12-07T20:46:35.954-08:00ExpandingI recently read something about expanding your soul. In sum, the piece encouraged pouring yourself into something, even if you simply turn around and destroy it. Putting part of yourself into something allows you to see a part of your soul. It's a little artsy-fartsy, but as I read through my old posts, I can see all those flickers of who I am. And it makes me think of what will be next. What will I find within my soul?<br />
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As I've thought of this, my mind turns to med school next year. I honestly cannot even fathom what it's going to be like. It is so far beyond anything I've experienced, and it is both exciting and terrifying in equal parts. I already feel a home sickness, and I know I will miss my loved ones dearly. I will have to figure out how to take care of myself in a foreign place, which I've never done before. I think it will be one of the hardest things I've ever done, to be honest.<br />
<br />
But from what I do know of who I am, I know I will be okay. My loved ones have all poured parts of their souls into me, and I know I'm not going alone. It won't always be fun, and I'll probably have days where I even want to quit. But, I also believe I'm going to further unearth something within me that is both bright and indomitable. I can feel that something burning in my chest even as I write these words, and I am more than willing to pour myself into this new adventure to find it.<br />
<br />
What can you pour yourself into? Where will you discover parts of your soul? Whatever it may be for you, pour yourself into it, even if it's completely and utterly for yourself. Maybe no one ever knows it, but you will. You'll glimpse your soul expanding, and it will be beautiful.<br />
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<br />Lily Grothehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01657176351249235965noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7984217326863751376.post-32469958079512734752016-09-17T14:10:00.003-07:002016-09-17T14:10:37.560-07:00Find Your Breath<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I often wondered how people could be so sure of themselves.
How they could know down to their core what they wanted to do with their whole
lives. It’s such a big commitment after all. And I am still amazed. However, I
think I’m starting to understand.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I’ve always
loved the idea of following one’s heart, even if it’s cliché. I believe they’re
the wisest words one could say. Your heart is what gives you life; each beat
pumping opportunity and purpose into your bones. So it seems following your
heart is the right thing. Cause where your heart is, there your life will be too.
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I think
many of us feel scared to follow our hearts. We decide logic is the best
possibility, which it can be. But logic doesn’t know how to bring forth or
understand joy and peace and fulfillment. Those belong solely to the heart.
Because we follow our brains, many of us end up in places that are subpar.
Places that do not satisfy the deepest longings of our souls. Of our hearts.
Perhaps because we don’t know where our hearts would lead us. We don’t know, so
we stay. But, don’t.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Follow your
passion. Follow your heart. Believe me, there are people who want to be doing
that job, who want to live in that town. That is their passion, and they’ve got
it, so you don’t have to. Leave those things to the people who gain life from
them. Go find your passion. Find the thing that gives you breath. The thing
that gives you life. </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">"Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life... have the courage to follow your heart." -Steve Jobs</span></div>
Lily Grothehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01657176351249235965noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7984217326863751376.post-71645530284667004042016-05-12T08:09:00.002-07:002016-05-12T08:09:50.138-07:00Farewell, with loveIt has quickly, and yet finally, come to a close. My college career. It went by so quickly, and I am conflicted. I am ready to move forward. I feel I have a wandering soul, so I am ready for something new. Yet, I also am hesitant to leave. The past three years have truly been incredible, with the good and bad alike. Although I often denied it, I did love my time at UNW. I think the last three years have shaped me more than any other time in my life. I hope I will continue to grow and have my rough edges smoothed, but it will be different. And different can be scary.<br />
<br />
I will not be constantly around my friends and peers. I will not be able to so easily have others pour into my life their love and experiences. And the people I've met in the past three years have poured so much. They have given both good and bad, yet it has all been used for good. I have learned to be independent; perhaps most importantly, to be independent of feeling pressured to have a boyfriend. I have found a strength within me and a faithfulness in God that makes me know I can take care of myself until the time is right. I do not need to be a damsel in distress, and that's freeing. Yes, I do still want a boy, but I do not need a boy. It's taken me 21 years to figure out that distinction. And it largely came in the last two years. Unfortunately, being an adult does not mean you have it all figured out.<br />
<br />
Aside from all the incredible friends and peers I've met during my time at UNW, I've also learned just how important my family is to me. I didn't move out of state for my undergrad, and I am so thankful I didn't. In all that life has thrown my way and thrown my family's way, I've been able to see time and time again the deep, steadfast love of family. Yes, I've also grown to see more of their craziness, but with this insight has come an appreciation for it. They are the laughter and dancing, and they are the hugs and words of wisdom.<br />
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I've been learning, and am still learning, to be bold and to trust my heart. People think it's silly when my words of advice entail them following their hearts, but that's what I know. Your heart holds all your dreams and secrets. It knows you best of all, so why not follow it? True, feelings can lead to foolish actions and may even lead us astray, but I would say it's well-worth the risk. "Nothing great in the world has ever been accomplished without passion." -Georg W. F. Hegel. So be passionate!<br />
<br />
I wasn't hit by the fact I'd be graduating until I tried on my graduation gown. Then I realized all that had been. All the lessons learned and memories formed. All the people who have both come into and out of my life. And all the dreams I've awoken to. These past three years have changed who I am deeply, and I can truly say I'm in love with the reflection I see in the mirror each day.<br />
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#thankyoucollegeLily Grothehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01657176351249235965noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7984217326863751376.post-38808419647062098382016-02-09T20:38:00.002-08:002016-02-09T20:38:20.386-08:00Last Love SongWe all bring baggage with us wherever we go. Whether knowingly or not, we lug it into every room and every relationship we enter into. It can be heavy, bulging with unresolved anger and unforgiven pain. Perhaps you know you have it, and it's breaking your back as you drag it alongside you. I have baggage too, but I hadn't wanted to admit it.<br />
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My first and only real relationship did not end very well, and it broke my fragile high school heart. It's a silly thing, and I cannot compare it to things some of you may have gone through, but nonetheless, it was one of my heartaches. And it meant enough to me to have lasting ramifications into my present. Perhaps because it was the first. Now, perhaps some of you can nod in agreement as a hefty carry-on comes crashing down from the hidden place you tried to store it. I know mine wouldn't stay put.<br />
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It took six years before I let myself accept the fact that I had never actually laid to rest that relationship and that pain. I had tried to bury it, hoping I wouldn't have to face it again. But, like a zombie, it clawed its way back out (sorry if the imagery disturbs you), and it found its unwelcome self into how I now related to others. I realize because of that pain, I let myself be afraid of being hurt again. I figured the relationship would get messed up anyways, so I might as well cut to the chase and sabotage things early. Plus, if I ended it, I felt like I wouldn't be the one getting hurt. That's where I was wrong. Although the pain may be disproportional, there is generally some degree of pain to both parties. I thought I was protecting myself, but I was just amplifying the heartache I already had.<br />
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So, I realized I had this pain, now what? Serendipitously, I was reading for my Relationships class, and the section was on healing your hurts. A portion read, "When you open the Pandora's box within you, you may find painful parts you'd rather ignore, but as you work through them, you will find hope at the bottom of the box..." I didn't want to address the pain, who does really, but in order to move on from this place, I had to. So I did.<br />
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I ended up reaching out to my ex, and being able to finally know what really happened was so incredibly freeing. In a sense, it was painful to dredge up those memories, but it was also a relief to be able to have clarity over them. I felt like I could now finally let go of that relationship and realize it should not hold sway over my present ones. It was finished. I could let that part of me flutter off into the breeze.<br />
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I don't know your hurts, and perhaps you don't even want to know them, but I do know neither of us will ever be able to be whole if we don't accept their presence and work to heal them. Whatever that may mean for you, I would encourage you to work through the hurts. "Healing your hurts is a process of painful self-exploration," but "the place to begin your journey toward wholeness is where it hurts."<br />
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*Quotes from <u>Relationships</u> by Drs. Les & Leslie ParrottLily Grothehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01657176351249235965noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7984217326863751376.post-27245776164489756492016-01-29T14:55:00.001-08:002016-01-29T14:59:06.840-08:00Little LightWhether you want to or not, you do impact those you come in contact with. People will look at you, at you're actions and at your life, and what they see, good or bad, will make an impact on them. "There's a little light inside us all," and we decide how much we let shine out. We don't have a choice of <u>if</u> we'll impact others, but we do have a choice of <u>how</u> we'll impact them. We can decide if we'll take a step to reach out to someone. We can decide if we'll speak truth with love.<br />
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This is not to say it all rests on your shoulders. And it doesn't mean you can't make mistakes or have off days or even seasons in your life; indeed, in those times, may someone else's light see you through the darkness. However, speaking from my own experience, it can be hard to share the hope burning within you. Maybe you fear people will minimize it, or your light is too small to give away. But what if they don't? What if it isn't? What if you could change a person's life by loving on them? By letting the light within you, shine?<br />
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Your light is brighter than you know.<br />
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*Quote from "This Little light of Mine" by Addison RoadLily Grothehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01657176351249235965noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7984217326863751376.post-34276525810110990742015-12-31T17:14:00.002-08:002015-12-31T17:14:55.464-08:00Peace out 20152015. It was such a full year. I fell in love. I had heart ache. There were dreams, and there were doubts. I stretched myself to exhaustion, and I was filled with the thrill of adventure on the other side of the planet. This year I met some amazing people, and each and every one left their impression on the soft clay of my soul.<br />
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2015. A year brimming with opportunities and shenanigans. So as I reflect, what did I learn? I'm still working on that, but I do know how important it is to know who you are. Don't be afraid of what you'll find within yourself. Don't be afraid to know what you want and to take a stand to get it. Be comfortable in your own skin and embrace who you are as you enter into this new year.<br />
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Secondly, it's so important to love boldly and wholly. Whether it ends well or not, it will impact you in such a powerful way. It reveals who you are at your core, and it helps you embrace that. It invites you to laugh and be silly. It brings with it hope, and we could all use some of that. So don't be afraid of letting someone in. Love fearlessly.<br />
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Lastly, persevere. Life is going to be hard, and things always seem to have a tendency to take longer than you'd like. But don't give up. Keep working and pushing forward. My dad reminded me that it's easy to give up at the last moment, just as the break through is about to come. That's when you need to hold on the most because you just never know when the break through will come. It could be just around the corner from where you want to give in.<br />
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So delve into who you are as a person. Love yourself and love others with abandon. And hold fast to your hope and your dreams. May 2016 bring with it insight and glimmering joy! Happy New Year :)Lily Grothehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01657176351249235965noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7984217326863751376.post-64884498391327938752015-12-08T11:58:00.001-08:002015-12-08T11:58:48.791-08:00Heart at RestAnd here we are once again, at the turn of another year. It goes by so quickly doesn't it? We all have so much to get done, yet we often don't have the resources - emotionally, physically, materially - to get there. I know I've been running on fumes, and I can only imagine the numerous circumstances and demands you may be facing in this season of your life. Are you finding rest? Are you finding the peace of quiet stillness? I have not been. In fact, I wasn't even going to today until I felt the urge to just sit and listen to worship music. Even then, my mind jumped to all I had to do, and I was going to brush it aside for "later." However, my tired, anxious heart won out. And how sweet and beautiful the quiet peace of simply being still with Christ is.<br />
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I try to carry the world on my shoulders, but God whispers to let Him carry me in His palm. To come and lie down in green pastures beside quiet waters. It is not always easy, and it is not always convenient. At first, my rest even felt painfully uncomfortable, like I was wasting time. I think this in and of itself is a sign that you need to take a minute to stop and let your heart rest. There are always going to be a million things you should be doing, but your heart wasn't meant to run on E. You aren't the energizer bunny, no matter how badly you want to be :).<br />
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God is the keeper of my heart, and I've often equated this simply to my love story (which is true), but it means so much more. It means when my heart is tired, when my heart is anxious, He will sustain it. Christ will protect it with peace and carry it in love. So be filled. Be still. Be refreshed. May you have a heart-at-rest moment amidst the craziness of your season.Lily Grothehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01657176351249235965noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7984217326863751376.post-4528042392567522152015-07-26T21:41:00.001-07:002015-07-26T21:41:57.906-07:00Sweet DreamsDon't ever let something, or perhaps more likely, someone, get in the way of chasing your dreams. Whether that person is someone you may be falling in love with or is yourself. Don't put what you've been chasing on hold because you find yourself consumed over this relationship, or even the prospect of it. If that comes along, then be happy, and yes, make room for it in your life. You will undoubtedly have to make sacrifices and compromises, but you shouldn't have to let go of your dreams. In love, you will find a partner and cheerleader with whom to share your dreams. So don't let them go. Don't stop making time for them.<br />
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Our dreams pull the potential out from our souls, and they push us to look beyond who we are to who we could be. They are the bright horizon we look to when things get hard, and they are the motivation that keeps us going. Perhaps you've had a specific dream all your life, or perhaps you're just discovering a new one. Whatever the case, don't give up on it. If it fails, then it fails. You can always go on to find a new dream. But never give up before even reaching out.<br />
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Your dreams are a part of who you are, so believe in them. Believe in yourself and the potential hidden within your soul. Look out to the horizon, for it is bright.Lily Grothehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01657176351249235965noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7984217326863751376.post-76425800883666545192015-03-26T07:38:00.003-07:002015-03-26T07:38:51.998-07:00Abide in My LoveSo this whole pursuing thing... It's straight up exhausting! I don't care if we are in the 20th century, and it's acceptable for women to initiate things. It's a lot of effort, and I'm pooped. I'm going to leave it to the boys to pursue, or not to pursue. Whatever happens, happens.<br />
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I think I've been so desirous of having something magical happen and so afraid of not living up to our society's happiness norm, that I felt the need to try to create something magical in my life. I felt like I needed to do the pursuing in order to have a beautiful, romantic relationship. And yes, sometimes that's how it goes and sometimes guys need a little nudge. But I'll be honest, neither of those fit my life... at all.<br />
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I was/am just boy and love crazy. I see my parents married for over 30 years holding hands, and I see how my grandpa will still look sweetly at my grandma after 50+ years of marriage, and I want that! I want to have a man with whom I can be a "cute couple." I want to be in love so badly, but I can't force it into existence, and I have to stop trying.<br />
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I realized the other day that while I have been single for several years now, I haven't ever let myself actually be single. I've always been pursuing and looking for a relationship. I've been trying my darnedest to not be single, but I haven't simply taken a breath and been single. So, I'm going to plop myself down in this pasture in which God has placed me, and I'm going to rest. In John 15:9, Jesus says, "As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. <u><i>Abide in my love</i></u>." I'm going to enjoy the beauty of abiding in His love and the beauty this season has to offer. I need to stop peering through the fence and thinking the grass is greener on the other side. Maybe it is, but I'm not on the other side. Besides, my grass is lovely, and it's mine. This season of singleness is lovely, and it's mine. So, it's time I stop running from it and time I start owning it. I am single, and that's ok :). I don't want to be single for the rest of my life, but ultimately, I just need to abide in Christ and take it one day at a time.Lily Grothehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01657176351249235965noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7984217326863751376.post-75547561632447527192015-01-03T10:11:00.000-08:002015-01-03T10:11:37.402-08:00TLCIt's already 2015, and I am yet again reminded of how quickly time goes. I'll be 21 this year. 21? When did that happen? How quickly two decades have already gone by, and what do I have to show for them? Everything. Nothing. Good. Bad. The years have held it all, although I find it easy to think they haven't held enough for me. I fall into the lie that I should be farther in my journey. And perhaps I could be, but that isn't the case, and that's ok.<br />
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Am I where I want to be today? In all honesty, no, but I am a whole lot closer today than I was a year ago or even just a few weeks ago. I'm a work in progress. While I often find my self groaning toward that destination, I'm forever grateful that I am in fact progressing.<br />
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I've grown remarkably from the little girl I once was. Some changes have been significant, some subtle, and some I'm sure I won't even be aware of until years from now. Certain areas of my life have seen more growth than others, a fact I've known but am only recently acknowledging. As this new year begins, and as I reflect over all that this past year has held, I prepare to step forward into change and growth. Seeking out those areas that need an extra boost.<br />
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My focus for this new year (my resolution as it were) is me, myself, and I. Sure it sounds a little selfish and self-centered, but I don't care. I want to find my best self, or at least get closer to her. So, yes, this year is about me. Don't worry, I'll still love you and seek to look out for you, but I'm going to look after myself too. My belated Christmas gift to myself is some TLC. As you begin this new year, could you use the same?Lily Grothehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01657176351249235965noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7984217326863751376.post-45456732189643483542014-11-11T16:39:00.000-08:002014-11-11T16:39:08.107-08:00A Waiting Season"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens." -Ecclesiastes 3:1<br />
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Well, phewy you might say. It's run through my head several hundred times. Why can't the time be right now?<br />
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Right now, the last thing I want to do is to wait for the right time, but that's all I can do. Patience is all I have to bring to the situations and decisions in my life presently, and I must say I'm not a fan. I like to do things and be able to take care of things myself. But with these decisions I'm facing, concerning the future, I can't really do anything. For some of them I know what I want, but I don't know how it would work out. For others, I have no idea what the best path is. So then what?<br />
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There is a time for everything, including waiting.<br />
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Maybe things will work out how I want them to, or perhaps they'll be completely different and yet completely perfect. But the biggest truth and reality I've been learning is that there's a time for all of that too. It just hasn't come around yet.<br />
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Perhaps you're waiting for something too. Perhaps you're growing impatient. Maybe you want to give up on waiting. But do you get out of waiting in line just as you're a person behind the front? I am right there with you in hating to wait, but the rather frustrating fact of the matter is that you will have seasons of waiting in your life. Will you see them through? Will you cut out before you reach the front? Cause hun, you'll just end up going to the back of some other line.<br />
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"Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet." -Jean-Jacques RousseauLily Grothehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01657176351249235965noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7984217326863751376.post-994587525983025172014-10-03T07:50:00.004-07:002014-10-03T07:50:51.808-07:00Be Strong and CourageousI don't know about you or where you might be in life, but I know I've been pretty freaked out lately thinking of the future. The "real" world is coming up so quickly, and that's scary. I still feel like a little girl in many ways, and it's hard to think I'll have to be out there figuring out my life soon.<br />
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For several years now, I've felt God calling me into medicine, and I believe that's where my heart is, but isn't it funny how quickly and easily our hearts fail us in the face of fear and uncertainty? I know that's what I should do, and I think it's what I want to do as well. However, there are a lot of pieces to that puzzle that I can't see, and I like to see the picture on the box cover when I put a puzzle together.<br />
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It's a long journey, and it will be emotionally draining and heart breaking, and that scares me. Will I be able to do it? Will I be able to do it well? Yes and no. I won't be able to do it, but God will. If He has called you to it, He will bring you through it. Don't be scared and don't worry that you won't be able to endure. Wherever or whatever God is calling you to, He will equip you perfectly and completely for it, even if it takes some time.<br />
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Ultimately, while we may not know what or when or where we should go, the one known is that we should go. So what do we do when we know we're called but are scared to take that first step on what seems to be a hidden path? "Be <b><u>strong</u></b> and <b><u>courageous</u></b>." While we may not know the big picture, God does. It isn't very important if we know all the right things to do or say, or even if we make a few wrong turns along the way, but it is important to at least start moving. He'll walk each and every step with you.<br />
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"Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you <u>wherever</u> you go." <br />
-Joshua 1:9<br />
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<br />Lily Grothehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01657176351249235965noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7984217326863751376.post-15238261314036928362014-08-31T20:10:00.000-07:002014-08-31T20:10:54.760-07:00Do youEver have a friend give you the one raised eye brow look? Also known as the "what in the world are you doing? You're a goof" look. I've received it many a time, but I've also given it. We might not always understand one another, and we usually all experience moments of embarrassment when others don't follow our train of thought. Thing is, we're all completely different people, so there will be times when we don't see everything eye to eye. <i>That is ok</i>. Cause hun, just do you.<br />
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It's so tiring trying to worry about what others think of you, or trying to keep yourself in a "socially acceptable" box. Who gives a hoot? If we're being honest, it's not like society's standards are all that great nowadays. Plus, while it is a problem that everyone is so concerned about how the world perceives them, maybe that fact can help you begin to loosen up. If everyone is concerned about how they come off, they probably aren't focusing on you. Not that you aren't important or worth being focused on (because you are!), but relax, because most people are in the same boat as you.<br />
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Let me tell you, it is so freeing and so much fun to just be who you are. God didn't mess up, so don't worry about other people thinking you're messed up. Now, I suppose I ought to provide a check to all this advice. While you should be who you are, don't take this to mean you shouldn't seek to improve and grow. We all have things we can work on, so be you, but also look to be the best you that you can be! At the end of the day though, just do you :)<br />
<a href="http://www.pinterest.com/pin/create/extension/" style="background-image: url(data:image/png; border: none; cursor: pointer; display: none; height: 20px; line-height: 0; min-height: 20px; min-width: 40px; opacity: 0.85; position: absolute; width: 40px; z-index: 8675309;"></a><a href="http://www.pinterest.com/pin/create/extension/" style="background-image: url(data:image/png; border: none; cursor: pointer; display: none; height: 20px; line-height: 0; min-height: 20px; min-width: 40px; opacity: 0.85; position: absolute; width: 40px; z-index: 8675309;"></a>Lily Grothehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01657176351249235965noreply@blogger.com0