Worry About Tomorrow

"'Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?'" -Matthew 6:27

If that were true, I could probably live to be 1000 years old. I find myself worrying about this or that - thinking about things days and months down the road. But it isn't days and months down the road. It's just today. I know we like to try to anticipate and be prepared, which isn't a bad thing. But if we expend all our energy thinking about things that haven't even happened yet, we won't have any left for what's right in front of us. Today has enough worries of its own.

And even today, worry won't get you very far. You can't control everything. Let me say that again: You. Cannot. Control. Everything. Wouldn't it be nice if you could? But it's okay, because you can control the important things. You can control how you respond to daily obstacles. You can control what you decide to do about them.

Worry will try to hold you fast. Keep you spinning in one spot like a car tire stuck in mud. I feel like that sometimes, almost paralyzed and not quite sure where to even begin. When that happens, I think about what my dad told me, "take it one task at a time." There's an old adage "take it one day at a time," but that can even be a bit much sometimes. One task at a time. One hour at a time. That's all you have to "worry" about.

"'Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?'" -Matthew 6:26

When You Don't Move the Mountains

"When you don't move the mountains, I'm needing you to move. When you don't part the waters, I wish I could walk through... I will trust in you."

I don't know about you, but I get caught in the trap sometimes of thinking God is like a genie. Ask, and your wish is granted. And you can ask God for things. He wants you to ask. He is good and sometimes says yes. But He is good and sometimes says no too because that is what is good for us. As my two years of basic sciences in medical school come to an end next week, I've realized I've been so set in this "my way or the highway" mindset. Next Friday, I'll take a test that determines if I can leave this island for good or if I'll need to come back for a semester 5 review course. This whole semester, I've basically been telling God that I must pass, and that I won't be coming back. I refused. And I thought to myself how mad I'd be if I did have to come back. But that isn't very faith-filled.

It's ok to grieve the loss of plans you hoped would come to fruition, but it's not helpful or good for your heart to doubt God has a plan. To not trust He works all things together for good, even if it isn't how you expected. This last week, I've started to realize that He's seen me this far. He would see me through an extra few weeks too. I still hope I won't have to come back (like, achingly hope), and I still pray He would enable me to not have to. However, if He does bring me back, then I will come with trust. If I'm being honest, a shaking trust, but it's a start. I hope that whatever you're dealing with right now, you'll find peace knowing He is good and has good for you. Even if it comes in a way you never imagined.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qv-SXz_exKE

Sweet Like Honey

I need to confess: my tongue has been such a whip this semester. I'll blame it on being the hardest semester. That I'm stressed, I'm over being on this island, this school has some serious faults, etc. etc. And that all is true, but I've been feeling lately like no excuse is valid for having a harsh tongue (and while I say tongue, I'm also including my inner voice). I'll think how annoying a person in my class is, even though they're just trying to really grasp and understand a concept. I'll mimic the voices of people who are more apt to seek attention, making them out to sound stupid or just "too much" with my friends.

I believe words have power. But until recently, I didn't really think they had power if the person they were directed towards never heard them. What could it hurt? It wasn't like I ever said mean stuff to the person's face. But words have power. Power to change your whole outlook, be it positive or negative. Power to make you see other people in a certain light, regardless of if you actually know them or not.

Words you say might be about other people, but they're really about you. They're about your decisions. Will you try to speak forth love? Will you add to the spirit of meanness that is permeating the world? I know I'm going to struggle with it, but I also know I need to try to get rid of this negativity. It can be easier, but it's a lot heavier too.

When I thought of writing this post, the idea of not letting your tongue lash others was in my mind. Instead, let it be sweet and soothing like honey.

"Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones."
-Proverbs 16:24

On You

"This is on you." Not a very cheery pep talk, is it? But it's what I need to tell myself right now. I made it to semester 4 in medical school. It's been hard, and I have had to push myself to get here. But now, this will be the hardest semester yet, and I  haven't been feeling ready for it. It's the first week, and I'm already tired of studying. I know, sad. I tell myself I can make up for it later. But now that excuse doesn't hold up. There won't be any more semesters, and I won't have any more time to prepare for Step. This is it. And it's all on me.

I know I'm guilty of this, and maybe you can relate, but it's so much easier to put the pressure on to someone else. Isn't it? That way, if I don't succeed, it wasn't my fault. But that's baloney, and we all know it. Getting to your dreams? Reaching your goals? That is on you. It's not always a fun truth, but it is the truth. It is on you to put in the time and the work, and what you get in the end will be a very good reflection of how much you cared. So, do I care? Am I willing to put forth the effort?

Hell. Yes.

Fight Song

I can't believe how quickly this first year of medical school has been going. It seemed so daunting when I first began. And it hasn't been easy, that's for sure. But, here I am. I'm almost a fourth of the way done. It scares me a little how quickly it's going, and to think that in just a few short years I'll be a doctor. I think of all the knowledge I've crammed into my head, and then I think of all the knowledge still to go. How am I going to do it? How do I keep pouring myself out for studying and learning? Maybe you can relate, with the dreams you're pursuing in your life. You're pouring yourself out for them, and you wonder how you'll keep going.

You have to keep fighting. They say money can't buy happiness, but I'd say work can. Hard work, fighting for your dreams and future and life that you envision. It absolutely, positively sucks. There's no getting around it. But when you start to drag, when you start to think maybe I can go find an easier dream, consider if you'll be happy. Then consider if you still believe in yourself. If the answer is yes, then you can accomplish anything you want.

I have days where I want to stop. I'm tired of studying. I'm tired of being far from home. I feel tired of my dream to become a doctor. Then I hear this nagging voice in my head, and I realize that there's still some fight in me. I still believe I can do this, and I still believe that I'm supposed to do this. And belief is a powerful thing.

Two time Olympic champion, Gail Devers once said, "Keep your dreams alive. Understand to achieve anything requires faith and belief in yourself, vision, hard work, determination, and dedication. Remember all things are possible for those who believe."

So keep playing your fight song.
https://youtu.be/xo1VInw-SKc

Good Old Days

I've been obsessed lately with the song, "Good Old Days." I think it's because I love the premise of not letting life slip you by. One day soon, you won't be where you are right now. You might be in an amazing spot, but it still will be different. "Someday, these will be the good old days." Someday, you'll look back at all of this. Will you smile? Will you laugh at your adventures? Will you wish for more?

Another line of the songs goes, "All the love you won't forget," and I want that to be true in my life. I want to be able to look back someday and see as much time as possible with my loved ones. Because I won't remember what was on this test, and I won't remember the class gossip that seemed so important at the time. I'll remember laughing with my friends as we eat outside, and I'll remember having a game night with my family. I won't forget the love, because that's the only thing in life that matters, period.

"You don't know what you've got, 'til it goes. 'Til it's gone." Don't wait for the point when you look back at life to appreciate everything you have, Start realizing what you have, right now. Appreciate the love in your life. Smile as wide as you can. Laugh unrestrainedly. Live in these good old days.

https://youtu.be/1yYV9-KoSUM

Bad Ass New Year

It's hard to believe another year has come and gone in my life. Time moves so quickly sometimes, doesn't it? I look back at all this year has held, and my breath is taken away. I got to start dating a man I am head-over-heels in love with. I went to Europe and had adventures with one of my sisters. I started medical school. So much has happened!

I'm always a bit uncertain at my birthday because I wonder what this new year of life will hold. I want to see beyond the bend. But as I realize all the good and the joy that was this last year, I feel content. I am excited for this year. Whether good or bad or in-between, it's life. It's exciting to know it's a new year with new possibilities and adventures.

I read in John 16 this morning, and the version I read really struck me, "be confident, certain, undaunted." I just love those words. I feel power in them. Whatever the future holds, know you can face anything. My dad told me today that I'm a bad ass, so I'm gonna face this new year like one: confident, certain, and undaunted.